When I began my career as a dominatrix, I observed post orgasmic guilt first hand and recognized it for what it was: a bad vibe! I want submissives in my dungeon to experience a catharsis, which means that sissies bolting for the door and feeling ashamed of themselves is totally uncool.
So today we’re gonna take your sissy shame and we’re gonna banish it: an exorcism of shame. But to do that you gotta pass through five steps.
1. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that the post orgasm voice of guilt is ‘the real you.’
You may think that your thoughts post orgasm represent ‘the real you’ but it’s all neuro-chemistry. Have you ever wondered why girls can cum repeatedly but guy’s can’t? The answer is prolactin.
Prolactin is a protein the male brain releases after orgasm to counter dopamine (that’s why it’s impossible for a guy to get hard immediately after: the dopamine is supressed.) In some senses, therefore, prolactin is a depressant…so the moments of regret you feel after you cum is not ‘the real you’…it’s a depressed you.
1. Recognise that shame is a negative, unnecessary emotion.
Shame needs to be eliminated because of what I said above: it’s a bad vibe. The orgasm is one of the most beautiful sensations on earth, and most people feel great after having one. Why should you – just because your sexuality isn’t vanilla hetero – start feeling regret about the erotic experience you just had?
Save shame for when it’s socially useful: when you steal, lie or cheat…not for when you engage in sexual behavior.
3. Recognize that shame goes much deeper than its immediate negative impact.
If shame was just a 30 second negative experience then it wouldn’t be so important you deal with it. Shame about your sexuality isn’t just a 30 second experience, however…it has negative consequences for your mental health.
When we talk about ‘mental health’ in this context we do not mean big pathologies like depression or addiction, we mean – psychological factors that make the difference between optimum happiness or just getting by.
Happy people accept themselves unconditionally and incorporate all aspects of themselves (upbringing, sexuality, strengths, weaknesses etc.) in their self-definition and the way they project that self to the world. Furthermore, not only do they accept all aspects of themselves…they’re proud of them.
A person who denies or hides from their true self can be happy…but there will always be chink in the armor – especially when they build a false identity. Because most sissies are attracted to women, they can easily tell themselves that their sexuality is heterosexual and that all that girly stuff is just a minor kink. But is it?
Not only are some sissies transgender, but almost all of them report constantly fantasizing about other people and situations during sex with girls. True…extra partner fantasizing is widespread in human sexuality, but it occurs with much greater frequency and intensity in sissies. These two facts suggest that the sissy sexuality is, far from a crossdressing kink, the dominant feature of their sexuality. Therefore, when it is denied and tarnished with guilt in the construction of the self it has negative consequences for happiness.
Constructing a self around the premise “I’m just a regular hetero guy”* when you’re a crossdressing sissy leads to falseness, and without wanting to sound like Yoda, falseness leads to inauthenticity and inauthenticity leads to unhappiness. It has been shown time and time again (to the point of cliche) that we need to define ourselves and live according to our true nature.
And don’t underestimate the position of sexuality in self-definition. It’s easy to say ‘Elle, you’re exaggerating…it’s just sex,” but you have to remember that our prime biological function is to have sex. If it wasn’t, then we wouldn’t think about it all day.
I know this all sounds like airy fairy psycho babble but I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Clients who go from denial and detachment…to acceptance and incorporation of their sexuality into their self – are much happier human beings. The question is, though, how did they learn to accept and be proud of being a sissy?
4. To stop feeling shame you have to stop thinking that you’re a sissy or that there is such a thing as ‘normal’ in sexuality.
Paradoxically, being proud of being a sissy involves not seeing yourself as a sissy (however, if you are happy with seeing yourself as a sissy then that’s your prerogative.) For most people, however – including myself, ‘sissy’ is only a play term for domination and submission in sexual contexts. You need to start exploring the wider discourse around autogynephiliac sexuality and see how different people interpret it: the sexologists, fetishists and transgender theorists. (autogynephilia = the love of onself as a woman)
As I explain in my work of psychoerotica, Sissy Hypno, I do not expect the men in my hive to describe themselves as sissies outside of my dungeon. I encourage them to find a way of understanding their sexuality which they can be proud of. My personal belief is that the healthiest narrative to build about sissy sexuality is to leave behind value-heavy terms such as ‘fetish’ and to build the simplest narrative at all: that a sissy is as a unique type of man with a strong female side – a man with an extra layer of depth.
However, I repeat…it’s all down to you…if you wanna see yourself as a raving fetishist crossdresser and you’re happy with that then that’s fine…JUST AS LONG AS YOU LEAVE THE WHOLE SHAME THING BEHIND YOU.
5. The only real way to avoid post orgasmic guilt is chastity.
Ok, now that I have fulfilled my obligations to my editor to write something psychological…let’s get back to real life. We all know that post orgasmic guilt is caused by a violation of your feminity by the male orgasm. You’re a pretty little sissy and are not supposed to dribble…that way you will keep your desire for femininity consistent and unrelenting. There is, therefore, only one way to avoid post orgasmic guilt: no orgasms. Get that sissy clit caged immediately!